The last few days have been so good. My prayer for my time here was that the Lord would be revealing my heart to me. Tuesday night He did that. Through some brokeness and some hurt, the Lord finally broke down any walls that I had buried myself in. What a feeling of relief to finally feeling like you are drawing near and offering all the to Lord. My feeling of exhaustion in searching for God has disappeared. I am beginning to feel like the things in my life that I found were seperating me from Him are no longer a priority in my life. How refreshing it is to feel that way.
I have always known that the Lord has placed a strong love for children on my heart, and that has been affirmed many times over, but recently God has been revealing a new compassion for the poor and broken. It isn't just a feeling of hurt and sadness for those who are less fortunate, but instead a deep rooted love that has a place a longing in my heart for change. However I am beginning to understand that with this new compassion, I have a choice to feel for the Lords people and do nothing, or let my life be used for change. I have to respond to the Lord's call on my life, I have to act in obedience.
Last night was spent on the roof in worship; we stared in awe, at the power of our God and watched the sky light up with flashes of lightning. It was a significant night for me, as I found myself finally submitting all of my worries and concerns to the Lord. What does it really mean to offer everything to the Lord? Offering enough that we are still comfortable with what we have, and knowing that we are okay even without the Lords provision in our lives? But that's not how the Lord calls us to live. God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through. Is my faith in Christ changing the way I'm living my life? What am I doing in my life right now that actually requires faith? Tough questions.
As I fear the future, and my success in whatever areas the Lord is calling me to, Francis Chans words comfort me, "Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter.” God ensures my success according to His will, not mine. If I succeed in the things of the world, but my life doesn't draw people to Jesus, then really, what have I accomplished? My work on this earth is temporary, it is building the Kingdom that is eternal.
Like a child running into my arms with so much love and faith that I will catch them, I need to have that faith as I run with wild love towards Christ. While pursing and loving Christ, I have to actually physically stop running towards the Lord in order sin. When we are pursing love, and walking in obedience to the Lord we don't have the time to ask if we are doing enough, we are too busy fixing our eyes on Jesus. The author and perfector of our faith.
"This is how we know that love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us... Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence wherever our hearts condemn us."
1 John 3:16-20
Lord, let this life be used for change.