Your Grace Abounds

          Friday was another great day of teaching. I am beginning to build such great relationships with my students. Being 19 and having many of them almost the same age as me has allowed the relationships to become more friendships than anything else.  The more relationships I build here the more eager I am to return.. and the more difficult it is going to be leaving this home. We spent a lot of time laughing today. I guess fridays here are just like fridays at home. Maybe it's my own fault for starting the laughter. They are about as eager to teach me creole as I am to learn it, and it definitely a student- teacher deal going both ways in my classroom. Any pride I had the Lord quickly wiped away.

      Saturday morning we woke up at 4am ready (or so we thought) for a day of unknown adventures. We had planned our trip the night before, and decided to head out to the island of La Gonaive, a small island about 4 hours off of Haiti. We had our backpacks full for a day at the beach, tubs full of food for lunch and a few culligans of drinking water. At this point, we had no idea what to excpect. I enjoy going in with no expectations, it usually turns out better that way- something I am continually learning in Haiti. When we arrived at the dock to leave, we found our very rustic, simple fishing boat and began loading everything in. The boat had no benches or seats, and is usually used to haul charcoal back and forth from the island. We sat on the small edge of the boat, or hid under the ledges for shade for the next four hours.  There are no words to explain the beauty of our God and His creation, as we swayed back and forth in the middle of the ocean ,watching the sunrise and seeing the mountains of Haiti disappear into to horizon. Four hours later, after a lot of sweat and a lot of sun we finally arrived on this remote island. Immeditely I felt as though we were invading the land of these people who seemed so surprised. As we made our way through the ocean side village, the reactions and expressions that we recieved were very new to me. It was as though they had never seen white people before, and Pastor Sonny soon informed me that we were very likely the first white people to ever visit the island. Seeing the community was like nothing that I have ever seen before. The island seemed to foreign to me. Beautiful white sand covered the entire island, there was almost no solid ground, and no vegetation minus the palm trees the spotted the land.  On our way through we saw about only 30 people, and maybe only 20 small huts. It seemed so surreal that in a place so incredibly beautiful, and isolated, with no technology, power and very limited resources, people could actually build a life here. But yet, here stood a small community right in front of my eyes. It is in Jesus alone that they find all that they need. The only concrete building on the island runs a small church and school for about 300 students. We ate our lunch at the church, and shared whatever was left with the children that had gathered around politely standing outside all the doors and windows, staring at us as though we weren't even humans.  When we finally arrived at the beach I wanted nothing more than to go back and explore the community more and get to know the people here.

                The beach was so incredibly beautiful. It took about 30 seconds for the water to fill up with little Haitian boys, laughing and climbing all over us. The joy here is so contagious and never ending. It is simple: be grateful for what you have. Because we were on a "private" beach, the boys weren't allowed to come and sit with us, so instead that sat 30 feet away, staring at us and wishing that they could come and play. So of course, I gathered the rest of my coconut, water and any other snacks that I could find and went and made myself right at home among them. When I asked them if they wanted any water (in creole) they stared at me as if they had no idea what I said. They were so confused that I knew their language and began asking, where are you from?? The questions came flooding in, and soon they asked "Eske ou konnen Jezi?" (Do you know Jesus?). The Lord never ceases to open doors and provide opportunities. I spent the next hour sitting under palm trees on the white sandy beaches of this foreign island, sharing the gospel to the group of men and children that had gathered. While I stared out into the different shades of blue that filled the water, I had to ask myself, "Is this really my life?" Am I really this blessed, to be spending my days doing this? Yes, yes I am.

       My Sunday services are beginning to run out. There is nothing bittersweet about that, just bitter. In no way am I prepared to come home. The Lord has made a home for me here.  This morning Sirus spoke on Ester. What an incredible story. Yeah, the Lord has placed some significant things on my heart during my time here, but what am I going to do about them when I get back to North America? Are they going to change the way I live my life at home?  Or just become a faded memory of my time in Haiti? I don't just mean little things, like the amount of money I spend at Tim Hortons in a week, how much water I use to take a shower, or how often I fill up my car with gas, I mean the bigger things. Like the way I worship? The way I view the body of Christ? The way I view poverty and sickness? God has opened my eyes and my heart to experience these things, but now it becomes my repsonsibilty to make a change with them.

         Your grace abounds to me, Your grace abounds to me. Jesus, in You I find all that I need.

Cass

Faith like a child

       The last few days have been so good. My prayer for my time here was that the Lord would be revealing my heart to me. Tuesday night He did that. Through some brokeness and some hurt, the Lord finally broke down any walls that I had buried myself in. What a feeling of relief to finally feeling like you are drawing near and offering all the to Lord. My feeling of exhaustion in searching for God has disappeared.  I am beginning to feel like the things in my life that I found were seperating me from Him are no longer a priority in my life. How refreshing it is to feel that way.

      I have always known that the Lord has placed a strong love for children on my heart, and that has been affirmed many times over, but recently God has been revealing a new compassion for the poor and broken. It isn't just a feeling of hurt and sadness for those who are less fortunate, but instead a deep rooted love that has a place a longing in my heart for change. However I am beginning to understand that with this new compassion, I have a choice to feel for the Lords people and do nothing, or let my life be used for change. I have to respond to the Lord's call on my life, I have to act in obedience.

Last night was spent on the roof in worship; we stared in awe, at the power of our God and watched the sky light up with flashes of lightning. It was a significant night for me, as I found myself finally submitting all of my worries and concerns to the Lord. What does it really mean to offer everything to the Lord? Offering enough that we are still comfortable with what we have, and knowing that we are okay even without the Lords provision in our lives? But that's not how the Lord calls us to live. God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through. Is my faith in Christ changing the way I'm living my life? What am I doing in my life right now that actually requires faith?   Tough questions.

As I fear the future, and my success in whatever areas the Lord is calling me to, Francis Chans words comfort me, "Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter.” God ensures my success according to His will, not mine. If I succeed in the things of the world, but my life doesn't draw people to Jesus, then really, what have I accomplished? My work on this earth is temporary, it is building the Kingdom that is eternal.

      Like a child running into my arms with so much love and faith that I will catch them, I need to have that faith as I run with wild love towards Christ. While pursing and loving Christ, I have to actually physically stop running towards the Lord in order sin. When we are pursing love, and walking in obedience to the Lord we don't have the time to ask if we are doing enough, we are too busy fixing our eyes on Jesus. The author and perfector of our faith. 

        "This is how we know that love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us... Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence wherever our hearts condemn us."

                                                                      1 John 3:16-20

           Lord, let this life be used for change.

Cass

Understanding Reality

       I think I'm beginning to understand- not necessarily live- but understand the lives of long term missionaries. With short term teams, you are constantly on the go. Wanting to do everything and experience everything you can in the short two weeks that you are there. However that's not the case for long termers, and my first few days I have found myself feeling like, ' Should I be doing more?'. I'm beginning to learn now that my role here in this month is to minister through the building of relationships and trust within the villages. Through my teaching, and tutoring. Through the time that I am spending with children and families in the village. And that takes time. It isn't something that can be rushed, and that I can call complete if I spend an hour with these people each morning.  

           I need to begin and learn how to understand the people and the culture before I can really build relationships. I need to let the Lord be at work before me, and allow him to be softening the hearts of those I am ministering to. What's intersting to me, as I read through Crazy Love by Francis Chan, is the fact that the disciples were first CALLED christians at Antioch. They didn't name themselves Christians, but instead those watching their lives, and they ways that they were living for Christ deemed them to be Christians. Isn't that exactly what I need to be made known here first? How can I call myself a follower of Christ and try to minister to people if it isn't already evident to them that I know the Lord? A challenging question for sure.

              This morning had its ups and downs for me. One of my favorite boys ( I know I say this alot, but I have a large group of favorities) who had been sick for three days last week and had missed school was finally back this morning. Every morning I wait outside the fence of the school as they come through the gate and walk towards me. The smiles on their faces seriously make my day. For the past two weeks we have joked about this boy having no emotion, and therefore have called him Emotionless boy, also because he doesn't speak.  Usually I can get a small smile out of him the first look I get in the morning, but that's usually it. This morning though, when I finally found him, his face lite up with a huge smile and it never went away. It was a moment of maybe him thinking that I had left, and a realization for me that I actually was going to have to leave him behind sometime soon.

           The negative side of this morning, was watching the children be disciplined. I do understand that discipline is more strict, and violent here, but watching the kids be beaten for no reason, or certainly no reason that I found was necessarily, was really hard for me this morning. It didn't seem to phase most of the kids however, and maybe that's what worries me the most.

         This afternoon of teaching went great. I love getting to know more and more students everyday. I spent some time tutoring a small group of students before class in the church. It is amazing to me how much creole I have picked up and am able to remember and use. SO thankful for that haha. Spent some time out walking in the community tonight, farther from the village and closer to the center of town. It is so fun seeing where my students live and hearing my name being called even so far away from our house. The Lord is definitely using Haiti Arise in big ways in Grand Goave.

Until tomorrow, Bon Nwit!

Cass       

The Other Side of Haiti

Sunday. My favorite day of the week. The morning started off with devotions on the roof, some delicious Haitian coffee and then off to church. Church is my favorite time of the day. Mainly Sunday's- because the small tin roof, and wooden posted building is packed with Haitians ready to worship and serve the Lord. Every Sunday is a new humbly and encouraging experience.

        Most services I sit with a young girl named Nunkka.  I really believe that a simple thing such a sitting with the local people makes a huge difference in my relationships and experience of the body of Christ.  However, sitting with the haitians usually means sacrificing the usual north americans seating arrangement - in front of the two small fans that we have at the church.  The community is worth the sweat. During worship, I felt a tug on my dress and I looked down to find four of my usual boys looking up at my with big smiles- Marley and Frientzy of course being two of them. I was so excited to see them, until I realized that our row was full and there was no where for any of them to sit. But it was no concern of theirs, and when worship was over, two of them gladly hopped up in my lap while the other two sat at the hem of my dress on the floor. Eventually an usher came to take the ones on the floor to back, but the human heart gives in, and somehow  in that moment I managed to fit all four of them in a space just managable for one person- my boys weren't going anywhere. There was a point in the service when I thought that I literally could not be sweating anymore than I already was, and wanted nothing more than to toss the kids back on the floor. But looking down at them and seeing how tightly they were grasping on to whatever part of my arm, hand or leg they could reach, with so much contentness (?) quickly made me change my mind. Having the love of these boys is so worth a little sweat.

         This afternoon we took a walk through the village again before heading to the beach- our usual sunday routine. I literally have never heard my name be called so my times as I did walking through the village. A few times by kids I don't know that I've ever seen. It was like they looked at me, as if fitting a description of the blonde white girl that is down the road and then said, "Cassie?".  My day was made when my favorite boy, Undineo, came running down the dirt roads and jumped into my arms, kissing my cheeks non stop. There is something about a moment like that that makes you never want to let go, or leave. and let such a sweet boy like that continue living the life that is already set for him. His heart is one of gold.

     I tend to fall behind more and more in the community as I walk with other people who are visiting here. I think I am becoming a little more comfortable than a young white female should be in Haiti. But when parents recognize you and are offering you a place to sit and eat in their homes, how cannot you not feel at home?

          The rest of the afternoon was spent at the beach with the typical crew of boys that always manages to find us on our way. Between cuddles on the sand, and piggy back rides in the water, I am falling more and more in love with these kids. For supper we went into town and ate at Mondy's. Goat and coke. There is something so refreshing about drinking a nice cold coke at the end of the day. After spending a morning in the village, afternoon at the beach, and then evening in the centre of town, you see so many sides of Haiti. You see the reality of those who live in the tents and shacks on the hillside, then you see the beaches. The beautiful blue water, and palm trees. The foreigners vacationing at their resorts just a few yards away, and then you come back again to the brokenness of devestation of the town, as you drive by rows on rows of people pumping water from the wells, and cooking their meals on tiny stoves made out of sticks. There are no words to explain this place. It truly is a beautiful, broken country.

             Excited for a new week of teaching to begin!

Good Night from Grand Goave,

Cass

Miss Cassie

       This morning I woke up to my usual routine, devotions on the front porch to the sunrise and the workers who come early to eat Luciannas breakfast.  Never failing, every morning they welcome me with big smiles and warm greetings. There was no school today, but Ivenson, one of the young boys in which I know well, was already at the school playing. He speaks little english,  but despite the language barrier we made a bond last year that has continued to grow and grow. I spent the next hour laughing with him and sharing mangos. By the end both of us were covered in mango- face, hands and of course my clean shirt. The rest of the morning I spent visiting and having coffee with Val, one of the long term missionaries here. I had met Val last year during my trip and was so excited to see that she was still serving here with her husband. We talked all morning, and she shared stories and wisdom of her experiences serving all over Africa, and her heart for missions. So much to learn from her- really looking forward to the conversations that I will have in the next few weeks.

        Next thing I knew it was time for my class to start. At first the classroom was pretty empty, and because I am beginning to understand Haitian culture, I knew not to start at 12, but instead wait because about 30 more students would arrive in the next half hour. I was right. By 12 30 the tiny classroom was packed full with students, and we had students sitting on the ledges of the walls and in desks outside of the classroom. My 25 student class had turned into 47. 47 students eager to learn and willing to be challenged. It was so much fun!! I had no translator, so I taught the class primarily in creole, of course teaching them English. I had no idea I knew that much creole- until I was desperate for them to understand me. Although they didn't have a great knowledge of a lot of the vocabulary I was teaching them, there was no hesitations in their voices as I said Bondye beni ou, and they shouted out God Bless you. The Lord is building his Kingdom right before our eyes.  There was a lot of moments of laughter, and the first question I was asked at the end of the day was " Miss Cassie, why do you smile so much? " I couldn't answer, only smile bigger. They are the reason I smile so much. Their motivation and determination to learn and succeed in their education. It is only day one, but it is a fantastic feeling to see my students succeeding, understanding and learning already. I am already looking forward to Monday.

            This afternoon there was a funeral at the church for the young woman who passed away in a motercycle accident last week. Within the first 20 minutes of the funeral women were wailing and screaming as is their way of mourning. All of us within the compound were pushed out of our comfort zones within minutes- not from being at the funeral, but just from hearing and knowing what was happening. Women lay on the ground flailing their arms and legs- this was completely common for the Haitians. However, as soon as this began, I was outside at the elementary school, and women and men started bringing me all of the children from the funeral. At first I didn't understand what was happening, but then I began to understand how a situation like this could affect a child, even within the Haitian culture, and realized that the parents didn't want the children witnessing it. Despite that logic, I was still shocked at how many women who had never met me were trusting me to take care of their children. For the next 1-2 hours I became repsonsible for comforting the children and keeping them as far away from the church as possible. However, women were laying on the road everywhere, and it was something that was quite difficult to avoid. I spent some time this year researching Haitian death rituals for a paper, and even through my understanding and knowledge of what was happening, nothing compared to seeing the heartbreak and mourning of those who has just lost someone so close to them. It made me reflect on north american customs, and ask myself if we are the ones who are "out of the norm" as we sit silently in our pews and bow our heads. Something to think about. Despite everything that was going on, my afternoon was made my spending time with a group of little boys, including Marley and Frientzy.

       There is something very significant and unique about these two boys. Both of them are ten years old, and live in the village near where we stay. Frientzy, goes to school at Haiti Arise, and is able to speak creole, french and some basic english. He is very intelligent for his age, and very gifted in reading and drawing. Marley, however, does not go to school, and as we realized this past week, is unable to even spell his own name. These two boys come from a similar family and background, yet one of them was given the opportunity to go to school by a Sponsor and one wasnt. Even though they are not together every morning while Frientzy is at school, the minute school is out the two boys are inseperable. There is something so special in their friendship that we were able to witness. The way they care for each other, they way they take care of each other, and they ways that they love each other depsite their many differences. These boys are going to change the world. I can see it in Marleys eyes. Even when we miss opportunities to change other peoples lives, Jesus is working in them to change ours.  My heart is becoming more and more rooted in Haiti- but Lord send me to the ends of the earth. Your will, not mine.

Looking forward to my favorite part of the week tomorrow- church.

Cass