Still Stunned Though News Slows

The events of the last four days have been a revival again of emotion, from exhiliration at plans coming together to intense despair in facing post-tramatic stress. After knowing that our staff and ministry were preserved with no deaths in our immediate circle of Haitian relationships, I had clung to that as a sort of coping mechanism to get through the past week. Especially with our baby coming and being born and the amount of energy that alone spent, I just had to cling to some sense of hope in the midst of all the despair. As news has slowed a bit too, we also had to take some time away from even watching any new reports. Marc has been experiencing a lot of effects of the emotional trauma, with recurring dreams of earthquake events, and disquieted fear striking him each time there is a loud noise or a small shaking. When we were in church last weekend, the large organ began to play a deep base and Marc suddenly braced himself as his heart jumped. Since Marc has returned I think I also took a position to be a support to him, putting my own anxieties and emotional weariness behind me. This weekend though, the events on the ground in Haiti became raw and real to me again. We watched a documentary by Marc Driscoll of Seattle Mars Hill Church of the condition of churches throughout PAP. I think I had kind of convinced myself too, as another way of coping with the shock of the whole disaster, that the churches must have been preserved. I knew that the majority of Catholic churches had been destroyed, but had not heard much of the Christian churches or of people who wer believers dying. Well, watching the stories unfold of some churches that experienced tremendous loss of both their facilities and congregations was too much for me to bear.

I suddenly realized that there may be many more people that we know and love that may have been lost. Just days before the quake, we held our annual Pastor's conference. Bob McGregor and Henry Mears of MFI who were our guest speakers, had left on Monday, just a day before! We have yet to hear from the majority of these pastors and their congregations, their churches, their homes. There is still so much unknown.This brought me to another complete breakdown. The trauma will take a long time to work through- and I was not even there, on the ground, losing my own children and home...
So, I know it has been three or four days since we have gotten news out to you again. We are working on it, believe me. We have lots of very exciting things to share, plans and progress of what is happening. Yet, I have not been able to emotional sustain much more. As I sit down in front of the computer, my mind goes blank, I don't know what to convey. Fortunately, we have an amazing team around us, both in Haiti and in North America and you will be hearing from them too as we progress. So please keep praying and keep Haiti in your heart. Don't let it slip away like news of yesterday. We will be sharing again with you all shortly! I know that there is much hope in this desperate situation and we will hold onto that.
-2/1/10